Hero

Growing up my dad was always my hero. He was the strongest man I knew. Not just physically, but there was a quiet strength to my dad that made him a natural leader. Not only was he a hero in my mind, but he was a fire chief, and was in the profession of rescuing people. There are so many things that he did while being a firefighter that I didn't know about and maybe won't ever know about. Like I said he was humble in the way he lead. I wanted to be just like him. He had an easy way of connecting with people and I would often hear him laughing in conversation. My dad was a hard worker and would put others before himself. He was always there with a hug reminding me of truth and joy, when all I felt was despair. He was a great father. I looked up to him so much. But my dad wasn't perfect. Sometimes that feels hard to say. As if saying that he made mistakes or wasn't always right somehow dishonors him. 

My dad was never meant to be my hero. 

Wow that was hard to say. I was putting him in a place that he was never meant to fill. You see, hero's save people from the greatest danger. I know now that my perfect hero and savior saves me from the greatest danger, sin and with it death. God not only saves me and makes me new but he adopts me into his family. He is my heavenly father. There is so much I have learned about God as my father since my dad died of cancer four years ago. In general, God has used this huge wound to draw me closer to Him. 

It is hard to talk about my dad. I find it much easier to write about him here than talk about him in person. However, I have learned that it is so helpful for me to talk about him with people. When people ask me about him, it personally, doesn't hurt me but helps me. It makes me feel like he isn't forgotten. Because trust me I don't forget him. It helps me process and put to words what I am feeling. These last four years have been a struggle in different ways. Each year feels a little different. One thing is certain, even when I didn't want to talk to God because of anger and hurt, God was always there with me. Reminding me of who he is and how that changes death forever. 

"Death where is your sting?"